A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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