I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
