just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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