You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
