Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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