I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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