i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
