you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
