the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
