smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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