remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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