you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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