Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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