I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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