the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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