babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
did i walk over a car last night?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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