I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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