Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
