So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
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At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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