She is in my trunk
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
