you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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