Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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