she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
