literally had 100 drinks last night.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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