NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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