im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
