I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
