No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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