I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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