your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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