my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
