I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
FUCK WHALES
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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