Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
