you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
