Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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