I'm so fucking centered right now
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
