The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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