Jerry, you need to find god
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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