I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
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last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
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how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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