just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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