ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
