So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
