Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
