I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
