We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
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Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
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I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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