omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
