I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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