Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Randomize
