I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
