The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Is it because I queefed?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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