So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
