barbara walters just said penis...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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