i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Randomize
