just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?