Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
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every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
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This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?