we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink