i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
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her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
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Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.