Texts From Last Night

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  (561): View more from Florida

  This dress was meant to end up on your floor

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  (561): This dress was meant to end up on your floor http://tfl.nu/t8yv
  Replies (7) Good night (4156) Bad night (782)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I don't want you to recite the pledge!

  (631): View more from New York

  Pledge alligien to america to united states of america

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  (631): I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge. (401): I don't want you to recite the pledge! (631): Pledge alligien to america to united states of america http://tfl.nu/s7dx
  Replies (20) Good night (3679) Bad night (869)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.

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  (503): well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride. http://tfl.nu/51rz
  Replies (22) Good night (5778) Bad night (568)
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  (510): View more from California

  i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.

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  (510): i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him. http://tfl.nu/wohd
  Replies (15) Good night (684) Bad night (4593)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"

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  (636): On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge" http://tfl.nu/w12y
  Replies (12) Good night (4753) Bad night (780)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.

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  (661): He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina. http://tfl.nu/ay3j
  Replies (23) Good night (7698) Bad night (1147)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.

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  (717): Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me. http://tfl.nu/6xgz
  Replies (39) Good night (939) Bad night (7620)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap

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  (904): masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap http://tfl.nu/sdgt
  Replies (9) Good night (3702) Bad night (917)
• Favorite

  (+86): View more from China

  Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.

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  (+86): Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported. http://tfl.nu/uoj6
  Replies (10) Good night (5821) Bad night (1391)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester

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  (831): She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester http://tfl.nu/csr6
  Replies (13) Good night (1658) Bad night (587)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.

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  (847): I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor. http://tfl.nu/d172
  Replies (9) Good night (1015) Bad night (564)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  ... I threw up in the shower this morning

  (406): View more from Montana

  You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.

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  (307): ... I threw up in the shower this morning (406): You were "I'm not drunk" drunk. (307): I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time. http://tfl.nu/80b5
  Replies (1) Good night (682) Bad night (894)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.

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  (563): However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure. http://tfl.nu/rbiy
  Replies (4) Good night (512) Bad night (1016)
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  (310): View more from California

  I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks

  (310): View more from California

  Like what do you want from me

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  (310): I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks (310): Like what do you want from me http://tfl.nu/m7w4
  Replies (4) Good night (569) Bad night (283)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing

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  (518): The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing http://tfl.nu/1ex1
  Replies (3) Good night (804) Bad night (306)

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