i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Couch. On fire.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
