PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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