Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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