my being single is dangerous.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
