Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize