My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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