After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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