so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
