fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
