How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
