I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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